I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
