Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
