I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
