I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
