please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
