I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
