So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
