Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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