never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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