At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
