Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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