out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
