She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
