oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
