I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
