I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
