This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
