He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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