Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
