I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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