I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
