I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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