Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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