How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
