is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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