Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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