At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
