I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
well you can't waste a boner
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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