in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
