yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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