Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
