Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
