I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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