He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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