I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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