Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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