we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
