we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just gift wrapped bread.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize