His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
