Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
