i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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