3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
