the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
