Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
