So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
