i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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