just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i've created a new STD.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
