if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
