my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Princesses don't give blow jobs
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
