Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
