Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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