i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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