At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We talked him into tasing himself.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize