I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
