I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
