did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
