He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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