She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
