I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
