at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
