she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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