Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
